Does it matter that he was cheating with his secretary for half the marriage?  What about the fact that she was never home for dinner and spent all her time at the office?  Guess what… In a California divorce, the answer is no.

California is a no-fault divorce state.  That means the court has no interest in who you think is to blame for the downfall of the marriage.  California courts do not want to hear about the lying, the cheating, the fact that he never listened, or that she was constantly nagging.  On the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage (one of the forms you file to get a divorce or “dissolution” started in California), there are only two optional grounds for a dissolution: Irreconcilable Differences, or Incurable Insanity.   That’s it.  Irreconcilable differences means that blame doesn’t apply.  Incurable Insanity means that you can prove by competent medical testimony that your spouse was incurably insane while you were married.

A related concern amongst parties is whether a judge will view one spouse in a better light because he or she filed first.  The reality is that judges do not care who files for dissolution first.  There may be other strategic effects to filing at different times, and you should discuss these with your California Divorce Lawyer.

One great advantage of a no-fault divorce system is that you don’t waste time and money proving blame, or cruelty, or infidelity, as in some states.   This is not the case everywhere.  Take, for example, supermodel Christie Brinkley’s recent divorce in New York State.  Through the course of that trial, the court allowed Ms. Brinkley to expose publicly husband Peter Cook’s tawdry affair with his 18 year-old assistant, as well as his addiction to pornography.  This kind of dirty laundry usually has no place in a California divorce.  Instead, you and your California divorce lawyer can focus on the legal issues: property division, support, and child custody if there are children involved.

One important exception to the no-fault divorce rule is a situation involving domestic violence.  The topic of domestic violence is outside the scope of this blog posting, but suffice it to say that California courts take domestic violence very seriously.  If you are in immediate danger, you should contact the police immediately and make sure you are safe.  If you have been a victim of domestic violence in the past, you should contact a competent California family lawyer to discuss your options.

A no-fault divorce means it’s not about who did or said what to whom during the marriage.  It’s about getting the divorce completed by applying community property, custody, and support laws, so you can leave the skeletons in the closet and out of the courtroom.